What It’s Like to Use a Public Bathroom While Trans

For most people, going to a public restroom is no big deal. Aside from long lines at the women’s restroom or a dirty stall in the men’s, they never have to think about it. 

For trans people, however, using a public bathroom is complicated, and often dangerous. A 2013 survey from UCLA’s Williams Institute found that nearly 70 percent of trans people had experienced negative interactions in public facilities — from dirty looks to snide comments to physical violence.A bill recently passed by the North Carolina state legislature put the issue of trans restroom access back in the national spotlight. On March 23rd, Gov. Pat McCrory signed into law HB 2, which effectively made it illegal for trans people to use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity. The legislation also overturns existing nondiscrimination ordinances in the state. The passage of HB 2 follows the failure of Houston’s Equal Rights Ordinance (HERO) last November, which was voted down after conservative critics argued it would give “sexual predators” a free pass to prey on children. To date, there’s never been a single reported case of a trans person attacking someone else in a public facility.

Rolling Stone talked to trans people across the country about the North Carolina law, as well as their experiences with using public restrooms. Here’s what they had to say.

Lara Americo
31
Raleigh, North Carolina
She/her

On running into the bathroom to avoid harassment:
“Early in my transition, it was hard because I didn’t blend in well as a female, but I really didn’t look like a male either. So I didn’t get to use any bathrooms. When I did, I had to sprint into it and wait in a stall until everyone was gone, and then run out as fast as I could.

“You stand outside the bathroom for maybe a minute or two to make sure no one is coming out or no one is coming in. Then you go inside and if you hear someone, you just look down and hope they don’t look at your face…. You run into the stall and you lock the door as fast as you can, and then you do what you have to do. If you hear someone walk in, or you hear someone else in there, you have to wait until they leave. Once you hear that they are gone, you can run out. Washing your hands is a difficult situation because it takes time, so hopefully you brought disinfectant.”

On the idea that trans people pose a threat to others in public bathrooms:
“It’s funny because I’m afraid of [non-trans people], and I think I’m more afraid of them than they are of me. It’s a strange feeling to have someone who can hurt you so severely — emotionally, physically and even economically — and they’re afraid of you. It’s like the lion being afraid of the mouse.”

Erica Lachowitz
40
Charlotte, North Carolina
She/her

On her first experience being attacked:
“I was 19 when I had my ribs broken. They stomped on me and they beat me so bad they tore my dress off, they tore my panties off [and] they ripped my brand new wig.… They chased me and my two friends. They caught me because I had heels. They were strappy. I would have thrown them away. I wouldn’t have cared. They were probably in their mid-20s. Three men, drunk, very large. They kicked me so many times in the ribs. I tried to cover my face to protect my face. As I’m laying there, pretty much lifeless, a guy whips out his penis about to urinate on me. That’s disgusting.

“People did come to my aid. The police came. The EMTs came. They put a tube in my throat. The police officer says, as I’m sitting in the gurney, ‘This never would have happened to you if you weren’t wearing a dress and trying to fool men.'”

On being denied access to the women’s changing area:
“There was an incident in a dressing room where I was shopping for clothing. Here’s a place I have gone to for years. A woman there knew I was in transition. She said to me as I was about to walk into the women’s dressing room like I always do. I was dressed as a woman…. She said, ‘Stop for a second, there are real women in the dressing room. Let me show you where there’s another dressing room you can use.’ She pointed to the men’s section.”

Brynn Tannehill
41
Springfield, Virginia
She/her

On how she survived using public bathrooms:
“The worst part was the dirty looks and people doing double takes at me coming in there. I’ve had the ‘What are you doing in here?’ question. Honestly, the only thing that saves me is that I’ve had enough voice training that they’re like, ‘Oh, never mind.’ But seriously, my voice training saved me.

“[These situations] happened to me early in my transition. After I grew my hair out and after I’d been transitioning a while, [they haven’t] happened since. A lot of times I think there’s a perverse irony in that the only people [the North Carolina bill] is going to be targeting are the transgender people who are already the most vulnerable, the ones who are early in their transition, or transition later, or the ones who don’t look a particular way. It’s dangerous and it’s sad that we’re targeting people based on how they look.”

On why she’s still scared use the restroom in public:
“There’s always in the back of my mind that anything I do, especially if I’m in someplace where people know I’m trans, if I even blink wrong, if I look the wrong way, if I spend too much time in the bathroom, [or] if I do anything besides get in and get out, that somebody is going to accuse me of something. My bathroom visits are surgical strikes… you do one thing without collateral damage.”

On what it would be like to be forced to use a men’s bathroom in North Carolina:
“My choices are: Go to the women’s room and probably be OK and break the law, or go into a men’s room until someone realizes why I’m there. After they’ve worked so very, very hard to label sexual predators, God only knows what happens when I walk in or when I walk out.

“If you walk in and you’re presenting as female, even if you have passing privilege, you walk into the men’s room and you’ve immediately identified yourself as a lost cisgender woman… or you walk in and you stay and that immediately marks you as transgender.… Last year, we had 22 or 23 trans women murdered. And we’ve got North Carolina legislators… having beat the drum that transgender people are perverts and have no rights. You walk into a bathroom, you’ve announced yourself as transgender and everyone in that bathroom has been told that you’re a child-molesting, subhuman monster. Whatever compunctions they have against violence have been significantly lowered.”

Alaina Kupec
46
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
She/her

On how the North Carolina bill brought up old fears:
“I transitioned three years ago. Shortly after transitioning, you have this paranoia, this fear that they’re reading you and they’re seeing you in your old gender, not the one that you’re presenting in. For the past week, I’ve gone through all those feelings again. Now when somebody looks at me, it’s that fear of ‘Are they reading me as a transgender woman?’ or are they looking at me as they always looked at me before. I’m tall, I’m 5’10”. In heels, I’m six feet tall.

“You always live in fear of your personal safety being in jeopardy.”

On her reaction to the North Carolina legislation:
“At the end of the day, I don’t plan on changing my behavior whatsoever. Because the law, as it’s written, is completely unenforceable. How are they going to know? If they ask me for my driver’s license, my driver’s license has my gender as a female. If they were to accuse me of being transgender, who’s to accuse me of being transgender versus anyone else in that restroom? Any woman using the bathroom is subject to the same laws I am. Who is going to the physical inspection? Who is going to do the pat down?

“It just goes to the absurdity of this legislation: It’s completely unenforceable. It doesn’t solve any needs that are out there. It does nothing but jeopardize my personal safety.… The last thing I thought about before going to sleep at night every day for the past month has been dreading that this was coming. Last night, I had a nightmare that I was assaulted in a men’s bathroom…. I woke up from where I was beaten up and not taken seriously because I was forced to use the men’s restroom. I never had to think about that. For the past few years since I transitioned, I never had to worry about that. Now I have to live wondering if people are looking at me, if I’m going to be forced to use the wrong restroom, and if it’s going to jeopardize my personal safety.”